Vietnamese doesn't have one word for "you" and one for "I". Instead, people use family words, like older brother, older sister, younger sibling, aunt, uncle and grandparent, to refer to each other and to themselves. Which word you pick depends on the other person's age and gender relative to yours, and on how close you are. Add a polite particle like ạ and you have the core of Vietnamese politeness. This guide explains the most common pronouns, how to choose them, and how to sound respectful.
How Vietnamese pronouns work
Every conversation has a pair of terms: one for "you" and one for "I". They come from the relationship between the two speakers.
If you're talking to a woman a few years older than you, she's chị (older sister) and you're em (younger sibling). So "Do you know?" becomes Chị có biết không?, and "I don't know" becomes Em không biết. She, in turn, calls you em and herself chị.
| Term | Literally | Use it for "you" when the other person is… | You call yourself |
|---|---|---|---|
| anh | older brother | a man slightly older than you | em |
| chị | older sister | a woman slightly older than you | em |
| em | younger sibling | younger than you (any gender) | anh / chị |
| cô | aunt (father's younger sister) | a woman around your parents' age, or a female teacher | cháu (or em, to a teacher) |
| chú | uncle (father's younger brother) | a man around your parents' age, younger than your father | cháu |
| bác | uncle or aunt older than your parents | a man or woman older than your parents | cháu |
| ông / bà | grandfather / grandmother | a man or woman of your grandparents' generation | cháu |
| bạn | friend | a peer, in neutral or written contexts | tôi / mình |
A few more you'll hear: con (child) is what children call themselves with their parents, and thầy is a male teacher. Among close friends of the same age, northern speakers often use cậu and tớ, and friends everywhere may use mình.
Neutral pronouns: tôi and bạn
Textbooks often start with tôi ("I") and bạn ("you"). They're useful and correct, but in real conversation they sound neutral and slightly distant, like a textbook or an announcement. You'll see bạn in apps, ads and articles addressed to the reader, and tôi in formal statements and between strangers. Once you know someone's approximate age, switching to anh, chị or em sounds much warmer.
Polite particles: ạ, dạ, vâng and thưa
- ạ goes at the end of a sentence to show respect to someone older or senior: Cháu cảm ơn bác ạ. ("Thank you," to an older person.)
- dạ is a polite "yes" or a respectful way to answer when someone calls you. It's used everywhere, especially in the South.
- vâng is a polite "yes", more common in the North. Northerners often combine them: Dạ vâng.
- thưa is a formal way to address someone, used with teachers, in speeches and on formal occasions: Thưa thầy, Thưa quý vị ("Ladies and gentlemen").
Casual equivalents include ừ ("yeah") and nhé or nha at the end of a sentence to soften it among friends.
Choosing the right term
- Similar age, not sure who's older? Use anh or chị as a polite, slightly flattering default for adults around your age. Many Vietnamese people will simply ask Anh bao nhiêu tuổi? ("How old are you?") early on so they can choose the right terms. It's a normal question there.
- Clearly older than your parents? Use bác, then ông or bà for the elderly.
- Around your parents' age? Use cô for women and chú for men.
- Service staff: Customers often call younger staff em (Em ơi! to get their attention), and staff call customers anh or chị.
- Groups: các anh chị ("all of you", to adults), mọi người ("everyone"), and quý vị in formal speeches.
Example sentences
| English | Casual or peer | Respectful |
|---|---|---|
| How are you? | Bạn khỏe không? | Bác có khỏe không ạ? |
| Have you eaten yet? (a greeting) | Ăn cơm chưa? | Bà ăn cơm chưa ạ? |
| Thank you. | Cảm ơn bạn nhé! | Cháu cảm ơn cô ạ. |
| Yes, I know. | Ừ, mình biết rồi. | Dạ, cháu biết rồi ạ. |
| Wait a moment, please. | Đợi mình chút nhé. | Anh chị vui lòng đợi một chút ạ. |
| Goodbye. | Bye nhé! / Tạm biệt nhé! | Cháu chào bác ạ. |
And two everyday situations where the age-based terms do the work:
- To a younger server: Em ơi, cho anh một ly cà phê sữa đá. ("Excuse me, could I get an iced coffee with milk?" said by an older man.) In the North, cốc is more common than ly.
- To an older woman, asking for directions: Chị ơi, cho em hỏi đường ra chợ Bến Thành với ạ. ("Excuse me, could you tell me the way to Bến Thành Market?")
Notice that Vietnamese greetings often include the pronouns: Cháu chào bác ạ is literally "Niece/nephew greets aunt/uncle", a very natural and polite "hello" or "goodbye" to an older person.
Common mistakes
- Using tôi and bạn with everyone. It isn't wrong, but it can sound stiff or cold in conversation, especially with older people.
- Calling someone bà or ông when they're middle-aged. It suggests they look elderly. For a woman in her 40s or 50s, chị or cô is usually safer, depending on your own age.
- Forgetting ạ with elders. Without it, a sentence to a grandparent or a senior colleague can sound abrupt.
- Calling yourself em with someone younger. Your self-term has to match: if they're em, you're anh or chị.
- Copying mày and tao from movies. This pair is used between very close friends of the same age, or as an insult. Avoid it.
FAQ
Is bạn polite?
Bạn is neutral and correct, and it's standard in writing, apps and announcements. In conversation, it's fine with peers but can feel distant with older people, who are better addressed as anh, chị, cô, chú, bác, ông or bà.
What if I don't know the other person's age?
For adults who look around your age, anh or chị is a polite default. It's also normal to ask Anh/chị bao nhiêu tuổi? once you've started talking, so you both know which terms to use.
What does ạ do?
It adds respect to the end of a sentence, like adding "sir" or "ma'am". Use it with older people, teachers, customers and anyone senior to you.
Is it different in the North and the South?
The system is the same, but details vary. Northerners use vâng more, while southerners use dạ more and traditionally call the eldest sibling Hai ("Second") where northerners say Cả. Some vocabulary differs too, like ly and cốc for a glass.
How do I address a group politely?
Use các anh chị for a group of adults, mọi người for "everyone", and quý vị in formal speeches and announcements.