Indonesian grammar is famously simple: no verb conjugations, no grammatical gender, no tenses to memorize. Politeness, though, is anything but automatic. It lives in the words you choose for "you" and "I". Textbooks teach Anda and kamu, but in real conversations Indonesians more often say Bapak, Ibu, Mas, Mbak or Kak. This guide explains each form, when to use it, and how formal and casual Indonesian differ.
The main ways to say "you"
| Word | Register | Use |
|---|---|---|
| Bapak / Pak | Respectful | Adult men, older men, superiors, officials, customers |
| Ibu / Bu | Respectful | Adult women, older women, superiors, officials, customers |
| Anda | Formal, impersonal | Writing, ads, signs, forms, speeches, formal interviews |
| Mas / Mbak | Friendly-respectful | Young-ish men and women, service staff (especially in Java and Jakarta) |
| Kak | Friendly-respectful | Someone a bit older, or as a neutral polite term in shops and online |
| kamu | Informal | Friends, partners, peers, people younger than you |
| kau / engkau | Informal or poetic | Songs and literature; kau is casual in some regions |
| lu / lo | Very casual, Jakarta slang | Close friends in Jakarta, with gue or gua for "I" |
The surprise for most learners is that Anda is not the everyday polite "you". It was promoted as a neutral, formal pronoun, and it's perfect for writing and announcements: Apakah Anda sudah mendaftar? ("Have you registered?"). Face to face, though, it can sound stiff, like a salesperson or a TV presenter. Indonesians usually show respect with Bapak and Ibu instead: Bapak mau ke mana? ("Where are you going, sir?")
Saying "I": saya vs aku
- saya is polite and neutral. Use it with strangers, elders, colleagues, at work and in any formal situation.
- aku is informal and personal. Use it with friends, family, partners and people younger than you.
- gue / gua is Jakarta slang, paired with lu or lo.
If you're not sure, use saya. It's never wrong.
When to use each form
- Strangers who are adults: Pak or Bu for anyone who looks older than you or is in a formal role. Mas, Mbak or Kak for someone around your age, especially in Java or in a shop or café.
- At work: Pak or Bu for your manager and senior colleagues, often with their first name: Pak Budi, Bu Rina. Indonesians normally use first names with these titles, not surnames.
- Service staff: Customers often call staff Mas, Mbak or Kak. Staff call customers Bapak, Ibu or Kak.
- Teachers and lecturers: Pak or Bu, always.
- Friends and peers: kamu and aku, or lu and gue in Jakarta.
- Writing, ads, signs and forms: Anda, always with a capital A.
- Addressing a group: Bapak-Bapak dan Ibu-Ibu ("Ladies and gentlemen"), Bapak dan Ibu sekalian in speeches, and kalian ("you all") with friends.
Formal vs casual Indonesian
Beyond pronouns, Indonesian has a standard, formal style (bahasa baku) and a casual spoken style. The casual style shortens or swaps many common words.
| Formal | Casual | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| tidak | nggak / gak | not |
| sudah | udah | already |
| bagaimana | gimana | how |
| saja | aja | just |
| terima kasih | makasih | thank you |
| membantu | bantuin | help |
In polite speech with Pak or Bu, people use the formal or neutral forms. With friends, the casual forms are normal, and using only formal words can sound like a news reader.
Polite words that go with them
- tolong ("please", for requests): Tolong tutup pintunya. ("Please close the door.")
- mohon (formal "please"): Mohon tunggu sebentar. ("Please wait a moment.")
- silakan ("please go ahead", for offers): Silakan duduk. ("Please have a seat.")
- permisi ("excuse me", to get attention or pass by)
- maaf ("sorry" or "excuse me")
Example sentences
| English | Casual | Polite |
|---|---|---|
| How are you? | Gimana kabarnya? | Apa kabar, Pak? |
| Where do you live? | Kamu tinggal di mana? | Ibu tinggal di mana? |
| Have you eaten? | Udah makan belum? | Bapak sudah makan? |
| Can you help me? | Bisa bantuin aku nggak? | Pak, boleh saya minta tolong? |
| I don't know. | Aku nggak tahu. | Saya tidak tahu, Bu. |
| Have a seat. | Duduk aja. | Silakan duduk, Pak. |
| Thank you! | Makasih, ya! | Terima kasih banyak, Bu. |
| Could I see the menu? (to a server) | Mas, menunya dong. | Permisi, Mbak, boleh minta menunya? |
Notice how the polite versions use a title instead of a pronoun, and swap casual words (udah, nggak, aja) for standard ones (sudah, tidak).
Common mistakes
- Using Anda in conversation. It isn't rude, but it sounds formal and impersonal. Use Pak, Bu, Mas, Mbak or Kak with the person in front of you.
- Using kamu with older people or strangers. Kamu is for people you're close to or younger than. With an older stranger, it can come across as disrespectful.
- Using surnames. Many Indonesians have one name, or go by their first name. Pak Budi, not Pak Santoso, unless they introduce themselves that way.
- Writing anda in lowercase. As a pronoun, Anda is always capitalized.
- Using gue and lu outside Jakarta peers. In other regions, or with anyone older, it sounds overfamiliar.
FAQ
Is Anda polite?
Yes, but formally and impersonally. It's the right choice for writing, ads, forms and speeches. In face-to-face conversation, most Indonesians use Bapak, Ibu, Mas, Mbak or Kak instead, which sound respectful and warmer.
What should I call a stranger?
Pak for a man and Bu for a woman if they look older than you or are in a formal role. For someone around your age, Mas or Mbak in Java and Jakarta, or Kak, which works almost anywhere.
When can I use kamu?
With friends, partners, classmates and people clearly younger than you, or when someone has started using kamu and aku with you first.
What's the difference between Mas, Mbak and Kak?
Mas (for men) and Mbak (for women) come from Javanese and are common in Java and Jakarta for young adults and service staff. Kak, from kakak ("older sibling"), is gender-neutral and widely used in shops, online and across regions.
Is it the same in Malaysia?
Malaysian Malay shares much of the grammar but has its own conventions, such as awak, encik and puan. Some words, including kamu, can carry a different tone there, so check local usage before you visit.