Mandarin Chinese has two everyday words for "you": 你 (nǐ), the neutral form, and 您 (nín), the respectful form. Compared with Korean or Japanese, Chinese has no full system of polite verb endings, so politeness is carried by 您 and by word choice: titles, polite phrases and softer ways of asking. This guide explains when to use 您, how usage differs across regions, and the polite vocabulary that matters more than the pronoun.
你 and 您 at a glance
| Form | Pinyin | Register | Use |
|---|---|---|---|
| 你 | nǐ | Neutral | Everyone, in most everyday situations |
| 您 | nín | Respectful | Elders, teachers, customers, officials, formal writing |
| 你们 | nǐmen | Neutral plural | Any group |
| 各位 / 大家 | gèwèi / dàjiā | Polite plural | Addressing an audience or group |
The key thing to know: 你 is not rude. It's the normal "you" between friends, colleagues, classmates and even strangers. 您 adds respect, the way "sir" or "ma'am" might in English, and the verbs never change either way.
When to use 您
- Elders. Grandparents, your partner's parents, older neighbors and elderly strangers.
- Teachers. Especially when speaking to them directly or writing to them.
- Customers. Service staff in mainland China, Taiwan and Hong Kong say 您好 to customers.
- Officials and senior people at work. Your boss's boss, clients and people you meet in a formal setting.
- Formal writing. Emails to people you don't know, letters, customer service messages and announcements.
- Phone calls. 您好 is a standard way to answer a business call.
When to use 你
- Friends, family members your age or younger, partners and children
- Classmates and colleagues at a similar level
- Strangers of similar age in casual situations, like asking a fellow passenger for directions
- Most online communication between peers
Regional differences
Northern China, especially Beijing, uses 您 the most. In Beijing, using 您 with older people, neighbors and shopkeepers is part of everyday courtesy, and you'll hear it constantly.
Southern China uses 您 much less in speech. Many people in Shanghai, Guangzhou and other southern cities rarely say it in conversation, though they use it in writing and in formal service.
Taiwan uses 您 in service, on the phone and in formal writing, but 你 is the norm in everyday conversation, even with people a little older.
Cantonese, spoken in Hong Kong and Guangdong, has no spoken equivalent of 您. Everyone is 你 (nei5), and politeness comes from titles, vocabulary and sentence-final particles. In formal written Chinese in Hong Kong, 您 or 閣下 (gok3 haa6, "your excellency") may appear.
Politeness beyond 您
In Chinese, how you ask often matters more than the pronoun. These polite tools work with both 你 and 您:
| Polite tool | Example | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| 请 (qǐng) | 请坐 (qǐng zuò) | "Please sit" |
| 请问 (qǐngwèn) | 请问，地铁站怎么走？ | "Excuse me, may I ask…" |
| 麻烦 (máfan) | 麻烦您帮我看一下。 | "Sorry to trouble you…" |
| 贵 (guì) | 您贵姓？ | "Your (honorable) surname?" |
| Titles | 王老师, 李经理, 张总, 阿姨, 叔叔 | Teacher Wang, Manager Li, Director Zhang, auntie, uncle |
| Softeners | 一下, 好吗？, 可以吗？ | Make requests gentler |
Titles are especially important. Calling a teacher 王老师 or a manager 李经理 is more natural than using any pronoun, and calling an older woman 阿姨 ("auntie") is friendly and respectful in mainland China.
Example sentences: 你 vs 您
| English | Neutral (你) | Respectful (您) |
|---|---|---|
| Hello. | 你好！ Nǐ hǎo! |
您好！ Nín hǎo! |
| What's your name? / May I ask your surname? | 你叫什么名字？ Nǐ jiào shénme míngzi? |
请问您贵姓？ Qǐngwèn nín guìxìng? |
| Wait a moment. | 你等一下。 Nǐ děng yíxià. |
请您稍等一下。 Qǐng nín shāo děng yíxià. |
| Can you help me? | 你能帮我一下吗？ Nǐ néng bāng wǒ yíxià ma? |
麻烦您帮我一下，可以吗？ Máfan nín bāng wǒ yíxià, kěyǐ ma? |
| Have you eaten? (a greeting) | 你吃饭了吗？ Nǐ chīfàn le ma? |
您吃饭了吗？ Nín chīfàn le ma? |
| How old are you? | 你多大了？ Nǐ duō dà le? |
您多大年纪了？ Nín duō dà niánjì le? |
| Thank you so much! | 太谢谢你了！ Tài xièxie nǐ le! |
太感谢您了！ Tài gǎnxiè nín le! |
| Take care. (to someone leaving) | 慢走啊。 Màn zǒu a. |
您慢走。 Nín màn zǒu. |
Notice how the respectful column changes more than the pronoun. 名字 becomes 贵姓, 等 gains 请 and 稍, and 年纪 replaces a plain 多大, which is how you ask a child or a peer their age.
Common mistakes
- Saying 您们. It appears in some service messages, but it's generally considered non-standard. To address a group politely, use 各位 (gèwèi): 各位好 ("Hello, everyone"), or 大家好.
- Using 您 with close friends. It sounds distant or sarcastic, as if you were annoyed with them.
- Asking an older person 你多大了? It's how you ask a child or a peer. With elders, use 您多大年纪了? or 您今年高寿? (very respectful, for the elderly).
- Thinking 你 is impolite. It isn't. Overusing 您 in southern China or Taiwan can sound stiff.
- Calling a waitress 小姐 in mainland China. In some contexts, the word has picked up a negative connotation. 服务员 (fúwùyuán) or simply 你好 is safer. In Taiwan, 小姐 is still normal and polite.
FAQ
Is 你 rude?
No. 你 is the normal, neutral "you" for most people in most situations. 您 adds extra respect, but leaving it out isn't impolite in everyday conversation, especially with people your age.
When should I use 您?
With elders, teachers, customers, officials and people you meet in formal situations, and in formal writing such as emails to someone you don't know. In Beijing, people use it more widely in daily life.
Is 您们 correct?
It's widely seen as non-standard, although you may see it in customer service messages. 各位 or 大家 are the standard polite ways to address a group.
Do people say 您 in Taiwan and Hong Kong?
In Taiwan, 您 is common in service, on the phone and in writing, but 你 is normal in conversation. Spoken Cantonese has no equivalent of 您, so politeness comes from titles, vocabulary and particles instead.
What matters more than 你 vs 您?
Titles and polite phrases. Using 老师, 经理 or 阿姨, and starting requests with 请问 or 麻烦您, does more for politeness than the pronoun alone.